Cancer

Cancer, it is a very ugly word. One we often hear too frequently these days. I have been reading the Knitting Heretic's blog and am truly astounded at how much cancer has affected her life. I also was listening to Kim from Knit Therapy about her bouts with cancer, ovarian and breast. Now I get news that my newest aunt, has been diagnosed with breast cancer. This is after my cousin her stepdaughter, was killed in an auto accident some years back and her own son, my cousin was diagnosed with leukemia. He is fine now, but this brings the thoughts of pain and despair back to the fore front of my mind. How can there be such chaos and destruction in our own bodies? And how dose this horribly THING choose were to land? It makes one wonder, is our environment and what we put into our bodies so bad that our own being is turning upon its self? If one cannot trust their own body what can you trust? It is not only cancer I speak of, with my Crohns, every day I feel this small part of me wondering, why is my body turning on me? Is it my fault, what I eat, were I live, HOW I live? And if it is what could I be doing to fix all of this. I told my doctor of these feelings and he assured me that it was not what I was doing to my body, but what it was doing to its self. That just makes me feel horrible. I feel like damaged goods. But back to my aunt, she has 3 children and I can not fathom the pain this is causing the family and how the treatment will affect them. Hopefully it will bring the entire family together and bring out the good in all of us, unlike with my grandmothers passing. In preparation for her treatment and up coming months of illness, I have decided to knit her a hat, what pattern, I do not know, I shall decide tomorrow. For a liter side, a friend of mine gave me her new email the other day and it contained the word 'cancer' I was shocked and speechless, she looked at me kind of funny at my inarticulate sputtering, and said, "what, that's my sign." Perspective is always helpful in life.
I want to read some poetry after that thought-filled and emotional post, I sould get a book of Robert Frost, I always liked his work. . .